Cunning vs Wisdom in Relationships

 

Relationships are the cornerstone of human existence, influencing our personal and professional lives. The way we manage these relationships can determine their success or failure. This article explores two distinct approaches—cunning and wisdom—and their profound impact on the dynamics of relationships.

 The Nature of Relationships

The life of every man or woman is made up of myriads of relationships: relationships with family, business partners, associates, colleagues, friends, religious brethren and leaders, neighbours, and members of the community. Truth be told, humans are social creatures and cannot survive in isolation. Relationships are vital to the very essence of our existence, and thus, the importance placed on how we manage them cannot be overstated.

 Defining Cunning and Wisdom

Cunning can be described as the use of deceit or manipulation to achieve one’s goals, often at the expense of others. It involves a calculated effort to outsmart or gain an advantage, regardless of the impact on the relationship.

Wisdom, on the other hand, is the ability to make sound judgments and decisions, rooted in experience, knowledge, and empathy. It seeks to achieve a balance that benefits all parties involved, fostering mutual respect and trust.

 Contrasting Cunning and Wisdom

Applying wisdom to a relationship is akin to using the right engine oil for a car’s engine, even if it’s more expensive. It ensures the engine runs smoothly and lasts longer. In contrast, applying cunning is like using a cheaper, unsuitable alternative to save costs. While it might seem beneficial in the short term, the long-term consequences are often disastrous.

 The Consequences of Cunning

Cunning usually leaves one party feeling cheated and the other party feeling smart. However, this false sense of satisfaction is fleeting, as it often leads to distrust, bad blood, and strained relationships. Over time, these negative emotions can spiral into enmity, hatred, and even conflict.

The Fruits of Wisdom

Wisdom, on the other hand, seeks to find a middle ground that accommodates the wishes of all parties to a large extent. It fosters goodwill, camaraderie, and trust. In any given transaction or interaction, wisdom leaves both parties with a sense of satisfaction and strengthens the relationship over time.

Practical Examples

Consider a workplace scenario where two colleagues must collaborate on a project. A cunning approach might involve one colleague taking credit for the other's work to appear more competent. While this may provide short-term recognition, it will likely damage trust and teamwork in the long run. In contrast, a wise approach would involve open communication, equitable division of tasks, and mutual acknowledgment of contributions, creating a productive and harmonious working relationship.

Scriptural Insights

The Bible teaches us that wisdom comes from God. Proverbs 2:6 states, "For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." Similarly, James 1:5 encourages, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

In contrast, cunning is often associated with deceit and manipulation. 2 Corinthians 11:3 warns, "But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ."

Emotional Impact

Cunning leaves a burden on the heart. The constant need to analyze and psychoanalyze others creates paranoia, leading to strained relationships and isolation. True peace and growth come not from manipulation but from sincerity, openness, and mutual respect. Wisdom, on the other hand, provides inner peace, satisfaction, and a sense of well-being.

Conclusion

In every relationship, we face a choice: to act with wisdom or cunning. By choosing wisdom, we build lasting trust and goodwill. Let us strive to seek wisdom in our interactions, building relationships that stand the test of time. As the scripture reminds us, wisdom is a gift from God, freely given to those who ask. May we apply it generously in all our dealings, ensuring that our relationships remain strong, healthy, and fulfilling.

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MOMENTS OF TRIAL AND DIFFICULTY

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Isaiah 43:2 when thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

Isaiah 40: 31 but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

The promises of God in Isaiah 43:2 are very instructive indeed. The assurances are not that we will not pass through the waters or walk through the fire! It can indeed be deduced from the scripture that it is a given that we will pass through these moments. The guarantees we do have are that:

1.         He will always be with us

2.         That the rivers will never overflow us

3.         We shall not be burnt by the fire nor the flame kindle upon us.

We have a guarantee of God’s presence. The importance of God’s presence with us can never be overemphasized. That is why Moses said in Exodus 33:15-16 And he said unto him, if thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence.16 For wherein shall it be known here that I and thy people have found grace in thy sight? Is it not that thou goest with us? So shall we be separated, I and thy people, from all the people that are upon the face of the earth.

From the scripture above, it is evident that Gods presence is a mark of His GRACE upon a life. Secondly, it is mark reserved for Gods people. When the presence of God is around a life, darkness can never come near such a life. They may swirl around at a distance but never will they be able to permeate such a life. John 1:5 says, And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. The Dark ones can never comprehend a life that has Gods presence for God himself is light. Proverbs 4:18 says, the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. The presence of the lord with a life is the one that brings forth this shining light on the path. This is evidenced in the life of Moses and the entire nation of Israel in Exodus 13:21 And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night:. The presence of the Lord with the Israelites provided light in different forms by day and night! This light firstly provided vision and secondly it waded of darkness – which is the enemy. A life with Gods presence can never be penetrated by the enemy irrespective of whatsoever is going on around Him. This assurance is given in Psalm 91:7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall come nigh thee. Turbulences might be happening all around, but a believer will not be shaken and this is as the Psalmist says in Psalm 62:6 He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.

The scripture is replete with events where Gods presence calmed the rage of the enemies heading at Hos children. Two instances will be looked at here. The first instance being the 3 Hebrew children Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego. Gods was present with them in the fire and just as the promise in Isaiah 43:2, the fire neither burnt them nor was it kindled upon them. This can be seen in Daniel 3. In the new testament, there was raging storm all around the boat that had Jesus and the Disciples in, His presence with them was a guarantee that no matter how raging the storm was, the river was never going to overflow or overwhelm them and this is clear from Jesus’ statement after he had rebuked the storm in Mark 4:40 And he said unto them, why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith? It was recorded that the storm beat upon the ship. This shows us that the enemy will rage, will also try to rock our faith, but irrespective of whatever it is that is thrown at us, Gods assurances still hold true.

Finally if we remain steadfast and wait on the Lord through the difficult and trying moments we are sure to mount up with wings as eagles. We are sure to exceed all expectations, we are also sure to go way beyond our limitations! This assurance is given in Isaiah 40:31. The trying moments are simply moments of refinement! That’s why God allows us to go through them, yet while going through them he assures us of His presence with us.

SO OUT OF PLACE

Have I ever fit in, can I ever fit in?

I ponder and I wonder!

It’s been tough and it’s been rough!

The road which I tread has been red

High moments hard to come by

Low moments quick to stop by.

Is there any hope, Can I really cope?

I question and I mention!

My voice is coarse and my voice is hoarse!

I need to take heed, in the life which I lead.

As I Quiver and as I Shiver….

Oh Lord of Mercy send down your Mercy.

I struggle to find my place, in this life’s race.

I am so out of place….

My hands cannot even place.

Even if I may, what more can I say!

I can’t seem to leave, yet I’ve got nothing to Cleave.

Send down your rain, free me of this pain.

A curse cannot stand without a cause!

A causeless curse, has no sustained course.

It therefore stands sure, that I shall see a cure.

Heal me oh Lord and I shall be healed!

Save me oh Lord and I shall be saved!

Singing your praise shall give me a raise!

THINKING OUT LOUD (SEQUEL TO - KNOW THYSELF)

To fulfill your potential, you must figure out your capacity, understand your abilities and work on your shortcomings. In essence, you must “Know Thyself.”

To be a better me today than I was yesterday should be my objective! Though I know this, I still sometimes fall prey to the desire to gauge and weigh myself and my achievements against that of others. Comparison with others is just a recipe for envy, contempt and outright failure.

 A counterfeit can never surpass the original in “originality.” The Holy Book says; I am fearfully and wonderfully made, thus, I am unique and so is everyone else. I am also one of a kind.

Self-improvement for the purpose of fulfilling my potentials should be what I strive for.

I may falter, I may wobble, I may even stumble; but ultimately, I will run and even fly if I persist, persevere and push on.

Little victories, little defeats. Moments of happiness, moments of trouble. That is what the path to self- actualization places before us.

image gotten from: http://courtneyhart.com/thinking-out-loud/

KNOW THYSELF

“Know thyself” is an ancient Greek aphorism that has been quite common-place through the ages.

Understanding the very essence of our being or the essence of our very existence should be at the very top of our quest – to know.

Exploration of our self, personality, traits and inherent tendencies is in fact the foremost and (to my view) the greatest feat of exploration.

To come to a better understanding of the world, its people and in fact the Universe, we must first come to an understanding of our very own person.

African parenting and societal norms often dictates that (if need be) we must sacrifice and suppress our very own make-up in order to live by certain ideals, values or even live to the dictates and after others. An example of this has seen parents often dictating the career choices of the children. The western world is in itself also not exempt from this abhorrent act of pushing others to abide by certain Norms and (unwritten) edicts even when they are anathema to our individuality. This is often done with subtlety rather than dictatorial enforcement being utilised by their African counterparts.

The essence of this article should not be misconstrued as promoting a free-for-all sort of existence which will become the bedrock for a morally depraved society and possibly a lawless one for that matter. There is a right way to live, but it is still possible to live true to your identity within the framework of a generally acceptable way of living. It is true that expression of certain personalities can reflect in a negative way, but it also true that every personality can be expressed positively! This form of transformation is what the word of God through the Holy Spirit brings to manifestation when he is in you. For an example of this, one needs not look any further than the life of Saul who was transformed to Paul (the apostle).

Personality (in my opinion) can be likened to a molten magma! – You can only suppress it for so long. It is better for one to consciously let His or her personality bubble up steadily like a spring than for it exploding out in a torrent like a volcano. The former enables us come to an understanding of ourselves and tailor our actions “rightly” based on our personalities, in ways that will be better suited for the common good of Not only ourselves but also those around us and ultimately the greater society. The latter, being an explosion only leaves room for actions based on “un-harnessed” impulse which will be a polar opposite of Rationalized responses.

I am in no way discounting from the importance of good parenting and/or punitive measures for deviant behaviours, what I am instead advocating for is a harmony of good parenting – which will help us understand the right way of doing things – and also encouragement towards expression of ones self.

Good parenting teaches us to understand ACTIONS and CONSEQUENCES. It lays the foundation for us to understand the principle of taking responsibility. With a solid foundation; when the time comes for us to act based on our personality, we are able to rationalize and therefore ACT in ways that are in consonance with the tenets of Harmonious, appropriate and cultured living.

In searching out yourself and going all out to understand who you are and why you are the way you are, you are bound to stumble here and there; but hey! It is much better to stumble on little stones and pick-up valuable lessons than stumbling over a single boulder and doing tremendous damage with consequences you might not be able to recover from.

image gotten from: http://www.wholisticwomanretreats.com/know-thyself-by-laura-hall/

INNER TRUTH REVEALED

Today been the second day of the month of November 2016, I discovered some very new truths about myself.

I discovered or stumbled upon some very interesting discoveries; two to be precise. That which pushes me to become a better version of myself was revealed. In a way, I can say that deep down in my subconscious I always had an inclination of this very fact, but I never really came to terms with it. Being an inspiration to others is what really kicks me into gear towards driving on to new grounds and heights!

Conversely, I also found out that my deepest fear is in losing hold of my painstakingly built moral standing. A certain moral bar which I set for myself and also in effect, want to be perceived to live up to (is what I hold dear). Therefore, I dread any act that will taint this standing – so to speak!

It therefore, stands to reason that this is often why I shy away from making a promise even if I’m 99 percent sure of fulfilling it! Anything short of 100 percent certainty leaves room (in my books) for a taint on my integrity or perception of it thereof.

Just thinking out loud yet again!

Expressing myself in the best way I know how to!

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GETTING THE BEST OUT OF PEOPLE

Humans are the dominant specie on the planet. This dominance is not one that was gained by brute force or assertion of physical strength or attributes, rather this dominance was claimed by virtue of our intellect. It can thus be said that there is no definite blueprint or ten rule instructional to guide us in our dealings with individuals. We are dynamic in our thinking and ever evolving our thought process. Nevertheless, there is one common denominator which cuts across board…… that is, emotions! Irrespective of class, social standing, race or gender, we are all subject to emotions and this emotions can navigate the direction of flow of our thoughts (or thought pattern if you will). When a man (or woman) reacts to a situation, utterance or action towards them; this reaction is usually spurred on (more often than not) by an underlying emotional impulse. In essence, our actions and (to a larger extent) reactions are physical manifestations of our feelings. When I talk about feelings and emotions in the preceding paragraphs, I’m merely referring to uncontrolled emotions. By uncontrolled I mean emotional triggers that are not determined by individuals purposefully; rather these are spur of the moment expressions.

Flowing from the above, it’s a safe bet stating that capacity to control an individual’s emotion and emotional state will adequately grant you a level of control over such an individual; for only a few individuals possess the presence of mind to actively display or present an outward manifestation contrary to or undetermined by their emotion. Self-awareness is a pre-requisite and a bedrock to the foundational construct of a being who desires utmost control of his/her person.

Now forging ahead to the crux of the subject matter under consideration – Getting the best out of people. We are always seeking for ways to produce results we desire from others in the varying spheres of our relationships, interactions and existence. To truly achieve the utmost in whatever endeavour - more so as leader than most - we must realise that we are interdependent on one another. It is often quipped that “a tree does not make a forest”, this saying is so apt especially to the quintessential man. The following paragraphs will give us a framework which will serve as a guide in our quest to derive the best from those around us.

First and foremost, when in a group or team, as a leader you must make people within the group identify with the ideas presented as theirs! In doing this it is important to make sure that they don’t end up feeling manipulated as this can end up blowing in your face with dire consequences.

Humans especially in this 21^st century are rather rebellious. We don’t often take it too kindly when ideas are being thrust on us. Even as a very controlling leader, try to build a solid skeletal framework whilst giving room for the team to figure out the rest of the body work. After all, a top-notch framework should withstand their input. People generally will defend and even die to protect their brain-child, just as much as a nursing mother will protect her infant child. Giving people the sense that the project is as much their baby as yours will only produce the best output.

Another sure way of deriving the very best from people is by giving responsibilities alongside power to execute. This often brings out that creative spark or the edge that otherwise will not have been present. Humans are not robots, but if you treat them as such, they will only produce the very minimum required of them (in most case).

Also as important as the above-listed is treating others as colleagues and not subordinates. People generally have a positive response when you place value on them and their opinions. Even though an individual realises that he/she is not your equal or is your subordinate in a team, the simple gesture of treating them as ‘colleagues’ in the real sense of the word (that is, as partners), will give them a positive lift which almost always corresponds to remarkable input, extraordinary effort and a high-level of commitment.

It is quite clear from the perspective of a keen observer that, people have this deep-sitted need to be carried along, to be made to feel important, to be recognised and to be acknowledged – even more so than financial gains to be accrued!  

Loyalty and input as a result of financial motivation only produces results commensurate to the remuneration, but loyalty due to a sense of belonging and sense of ownership produces results that are exponential in nature.

It is not in error but rather by design that I left out certain other factors. This was done in order to eliminate anything that could be used or considered as a tool of manipulation - for the one thing a man hates more than being left out, is finding out he has been manipulated.

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