A FRIEND INDEED

A saying goes thus; “A friend in need is a friend in deed”

Ennius (circa 239–169 BCE) observed amicus certus in re incerta cernitur ‎(“a sure friend is known in unsure times”).

Does this saying truly hold water? I have come to the realization of the fact that no matter how good a man is or steadfast thereof, he won’t be able to bethe rock that a friend needs at all times.

I have come to realise that those that will like you, will definitely do so, and those that will detest you will do that irrespective of how good you are to them.

Humans a very fickle and often times will try to take advantage of those that are sympathetic to their plight and readily available to offer assistance at any given time. Ironically, in bountiful times their preferred company are those who scarcely treat them well, but are probably more socially adept/appealing.

Truth remains though, that no matter how good you are, you must learn right from the onset of any friendship not to leave the impression that you can be counted upon for (100 per cent) reliance at any given time of day. Humanly speaking, that is unsustainable. There is a limit to which any man can be stretched. If you keep stretching to your limits, you will just be expected to stretch some more and the moment you don’t, you will be tagged as someone who was pretending in the past. In modern parlance they will say – “you are not real”.

The silly part with contemporary man, is that they tag individuals who display brashness, unconcern, pride, self-centredness and offish characters as people who are real, or people who are true to themselves.

The world generally feels that no one can genuinely exhibit good traits, and the moment you do that or attempt to do that, they tag you as being pretentious. Sadly enough, they will be waiting around for you to falter and at the slightest mistake they blow the trumpet saying they were justified in tagging you as pretentious. They will state that the one error you made is your true self.

We often tend to forget that no matter how morally upright or religious one is, we are first and foremost humans, which is a word very much in consonance with fallibility. No one is perfect, there will always be moments were we err.

The fact that an individual lied once does not make him innately a liar. Tragically, the world prefers those who habitually lie, steal, cheat, (and so on) and proclaim themselves as such to those who try to live in a straight and narrow way but end up erring once.

Seeing our values and definitions of morality being inverted hurts me badly. Good is now being tagged as bad and vice versa.

We need to look within ourselves and realise what is good, rather than conforming to the propaganda of a few……

Image gotten from: http://www.paintingsilove.com/image/show/373892/a-friend-in-need-is-a-friend-indeed

KEYS TO RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS.

Relationship, in the romantic sense of the word can be very positive and gratifying and yet in some cases very negative and detrimental. The outcome depends on the way it is handled. Wrong choices, decisions and a certain degree of inattentiveness are some underlying issues which translate to hectic times in a relationship.

This article will try to focus on some steps and measure which will make a relationship all the more worth it. I must specifically add for the umpteenth time, that I am no guru, and these views are based on reflections I made on recent past experience(s)

1)      COMMUNICATION

Talk, talk and talk some more! This really cannot be overemphasized. Maintaining healthy conversations is the principal sustaining tool of any relationship. Someone once quipped, and I will try to paraphrase as best as I can; that if we talked more to each than about each other, the world will be a much better place. This quote is so so true! Gossip seems to have penetrated the very fabric of our existence. The social media is replete with this, even news reports are not left out either these days. Majority of conversations people have these days are about the failings of others. So when I say healthy conversation, I mean you should talk to each other about hobbies, events of your day, ambitions, and honestly explain what the other party is doing wrong in your opinion. Try to discuss and settle your grievances with each other by conversing rather than making your case with others such as friends and likes who will only most likely give you biased views that will at best feed your ego and in the end leave the matter unsettled.

2)      ELIMINATE THE THIRD PARTY

Three they say is a crowd. A relationship consists of two people and two people alone. Try as much as possible to eliminate the third party in issues arising in the relationship. A saying goes thus; it is he that wears the shoe that knows where it pinches. No two relationships are the same! More often than not, the solutions to challenges within a relationship lie within the relationship. Where amicable resolution to conflict is not forthcoming, seek wise counsel. The truth is this; if we truly search ourselves and try to look at things from another perspective then we will know the answer to our challenges. Selfishness and self-centeredness which stem from pride and ego are usually the root cause of issues. Believe it or not, friends, relations and acquaintances being third parties will only give you advice that will soothe your ego and make it all the more inflated. It is obvious that they will be biased towards you more often than not, thus making them say things that will only please you and achieve nothing more in the end.

3)      SEEK WISE COUNSEL FROM AN UNBIASED PARTY

As I said earlier, most third parties are bad for any relationship. But I also mentioned that most (and not all) of the time, the solution to challenges in the relationship can be found between both of you. When difficulty arises in resolving issues, advice and wise counsel can be sought out from a trained or experienced individual usually a counselor. Sometimes, bias can arise from association by sex (that is the third party being a male, thus associating with the male or vice-versa). This is why a trained and experienced person should be the choice. The suitable person here should be one without a biased leaning towards either party. The person is essentially just to be a sort of guide in your conversation, he/she is just supposed to moderate and give suggestions and possible areas to direct your conversation towards.

4)      LOOK THROUGH THE OTHER END OF THE LENSE!

Try to view issues from different perspective. Gaining insight into the way your partner thinks and views life is very crucial. Understanding him or her from a deeper level will definitely aid you in taking an approach to issues that is less self-centered and it will also help in making well-rounded choices and decisions which will be acceptable to both sides. By default, humans are naturally a selfish specie! We make decisions based on our individual interests and outlook without taking a moment to consider the impact on others and the environment. This can very much be the source of negativity in any relationship. Effort must be put in place to be accommodating of others’ perception.

QUOTE: Not every advice is sound advice!!!

Image from: innerbonding.com

Intro. to Blog

Life they say is not a bed of roses. Another great saying goes thus; experience is the greatest of teachers.

This year alone, I have come to understand these sayings, and though it has brought about a higher level of enlightenment, I must add that it has left a bitter-sweet taste on my (taste) buds. Many thanks - or should I have said no thanks? Hmmm… another point to ponder upon - to events gone by, I can now authoritatively say that I can relate (to an extent) with what must have been going through the great teachers mind when he said; for in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. Wondering where I pulled that one out from? I guess you should have paid more attention in Sunday school!! I must add this caveat: please do ignore my dry wit; being a joke star has never been one of my strong suite!

Life can present us with topsy-turvy moments.  I have stuttered and faltered, I have made some good choices and some not so good choices, taken some wonderful advices and heeded to some awful ones, and I have learnt some bitter lessons as well encountered some excellent moments, through the journey of life thus far. Life could be depressing and yet exhilarating and varying points in time.

I see this blog as an avenue for me to write on issues of life based almost entirely on my reflections of my very own experience. I am not saying this will be a holistic template on the way to live life, No! This is in fact to me just a diary. I am inherently a very private person, bordering on being a recluse at certain instances; this has often caused my person, intentions and actions to be misrepresented by others. Maybe putting this blog out there is subconsciously my own way of expressing myself and my views. Truly, I myself cannot explain this deep-seated and persistent urge to write, it could be that it is my true self, my true passion, and my true nature that is pushing itself outward. Hmmmm…. Only time will tell I guess.

My candid advice to anyone reading, you might as well just do that for leisure! The advice, reflections, and discourse are primarily for me. After all, no two persons are ever the same, nor have the same purpose in life. I am no guru on matters that spring up in life; therefore, I will most gladly welcome any advice, guidance, corrections or suggestions.

Welcome to my journey to self-discovery. I have the feeling that events of this year and my reactions to-them-wards will play a significant role in the person I will become or the person I’m becoming.

On a final note; in case you are looking for juicy stuff, then you are somewhat in the wrong place! Cheers.